how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
