is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
