ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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