Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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