I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
