Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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