I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
