Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
