I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
