i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
