Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
