I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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