I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
