4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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