Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
