How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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