genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you had me at cake vodka
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
