I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
