I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This baby is an asshole
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
