I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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