Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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