so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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