I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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