my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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