why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
