If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
