I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
