You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am puke
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
