I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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