You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
