you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
