This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
