i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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