When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
