I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
