When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
