Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
