everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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