You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
