life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
