So drunk its hurt
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
