I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
