the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
