i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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