Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
