haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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