These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
