I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
