he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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