everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
