How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
