How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
