there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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